the strongest characters are obsessed with me

Neter

2 min read

·

23-11-2024

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My Unexpected Harem of Heroes

Let's be honest, I never saw this coming. One minute I was a perfectly ordinary (if slightly clumsy) librarian, the next I'm the unwitting center of attention for a group of ridiculously powerful beings. We're talking mythical heroes, legendary warriors, and even a grumpy but secretly adorable dragon—all head-over-heels for me. It's less "chosen one" prophecy and more "accidental magnet for impossibly attractive immortals."

How Did This Happen?

It all started with a seemingly innocuous book I found in the archives – a grimoire detailing ancient prophecies. Turns out, I accidentally unlocked some seriously potent magic. Now, these incredibly strong characters believe I'm the key to something… important. Exactly what remains frustratingly vague, but their devotion is undeniable.

• Sir Reginald the Righteous: The epitome of chivalrous knights. He's constantly battling rogue goblins to prove his worthiness. And what does he deem worthy? Apparently, making me laugh.
• Lysandra the Lightning-Quick: A whirlwind of a warrior princess. Her speed is unmatched, but her attempts at flirting? Let's just say they need some work.
• Ignis, the Grumpy Dragon: A literal fire-breathing dragon with a surprisingly soft spot. He guards my apartment building (mostly to keep other suitors away). The cuddles are amazing, if slightly scorching.

Alt text: A diverse group of fantasy characters, including a knight, a warrior princess, and a dragon, looking adoringly at a surprised woman in a library.

The Unexpected Perks (and Perils)

Life with a harem of ridiculously strong characters is… interesting.

• My grocery shopping is done in record time. They’re incredibly fast. And they have excellent taste in artisanal cheeses.
• I’ve never felt safer. Forget muggings; they wouldn't dare approach my street.
• Dating is... complicated. To say the least. Jealousy is a potent force, even among gods and monsters.

However, there are drawbacks:

• Epic battles erupt in my living room. Apparently, arguing over who gets to make me breakfast can be... explosive.
• My apartment is constantly being remodeled. One moment it's medieval chic, the next it’s high-tech fantasy. It's exhausting.
• Explaining this to my therapist is a monumental task. "So, a dragon… yes, a dragon… is currently attempting to knit me a scarf."

What Does It All Mean?

Honestly? I’m still figuring it out. The prophecies are cryptic, and these powerful characters are anything but straightforward. But one thing's for sure: life is never boring. My days are filled with thrilling adventures, delicious meals (courtesy of a certain fire-breathing chef), and an abundance of surprisingly affectionate suitors who may just save the world… or at least help me find my lost cat.

How to Handle a Harem of Heroes: A Guide

Q: What if one of the heroes gets jealous?

A: Diplomacy, chocolate, and a well-placed compliment usually work wonders.

Q: How do I choose a favorite?

A: Don't. Enjoy the chaos!

Q: What if they accidentally destroy my apartment again?

A: Deep breaths. Find the insurance policy. Maybe bribe them with extra-large tubs of ice cream.

This whole situation is definitely more than I bargained for. But if I’m honest with myself, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Who needs a normal life when you can have an epic adventure, one incredibly strong character at a time?

(P.S. If anyone sees my cat, Mr. Fluffernutter, please let me know. He went missing during the last goblin invasion.)

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